Internal wiring...

Today, my topic of discussion has been confusion and my best friend knows me inside and out. As she states "your internal relationship wires are extremely fucked up, you have two things running against you. 1. Your mom 2. Mike" enough said. How do I fix this I ask? " they need to be re-wired and not through your ass but through your mind. the first step is to unhook all the wires and change your perspective" She couldn't be any more exact if I had paid her to by my therapist. Thank goodness her thoughts on me are "free" lol When we speak about relationships they are not all geared toward men and intimate relationships but even my relationships with friends (more or less new friends). What do you do when you know your internal wiring is fucked up?! How do you fix this? Yes I've admitted it, first step, but I've known this for years. I've sat back and been single and reflected on bad relationships with men and women, friends and lovers, and I always see the wrong, however it never seems to stop me from making the same mistakes over and over again in the present and more and likely in the future. Maybe I'm just doomed.But let me just state that every relationship failure I've had has not always been my fault. I'm only referring to the ones that have been. I wish I didn't speak every time I felt something. I once blogged about how I recently got on antidepressants because I felt that I needed them to help in a relationship I had with a man, but these antidepressants made me numb and I didn't feel every emotion that i have and i hated it so i got off of them and felt like my normal self again. But maybe its not normal to feel every emotion, as much as i love my emotions whether good or bad , i feel i need them to feel human. But I've got to learn to control my mouth, I've struggled with this since I was young and it only seems to get worse. I'm becoming my grandmother more and more everyday and although I love it and her very much, it scares me too, because she was a very lonely woman for a very long time.