29+ please apply .....

So it's no big secret anymore that I am on dating sites. As I once was ashamed of this let's be honest, how the hell am I suppose to meet a man? The bar? ha yeah right, been there, done that, didn't really turn out the way I thought it would. . . Most of my friends "lets restate" all of my friends are married or seeing someone and all their friends are hitched up too!!!! How is this FAIR??? lol I don't know that I am seeking a serious relationship as I still struggle with the fact that maybe I'm not the type of woman that will ever be in a real relationship, however I am looking to date someone. I don't want to date numerous men, I'd like to find just one person that makes me laugh and I have fun around, whether it be sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing or going out. I'm not at all high maintenance. Here is my dilemma! I only attract young guys, I mean come the fuck on! If you are 23 or 24 do you seriously think a WOMAN yes I said it WOMAN would want to be with a boy. Being of age to drink does not make you a man. Granted I will say there are some young guys out there that do have their shit together, but really guys? Almost 30 with an almost 10 year old daughter. Do you really want to go there? I'm trying not to be judgemental but I mean for crying out loud are there no men my age that are decent that would like to date me? Why does every 20-25 year old seem so interested in a WOMAN with a kid that does not party on the weekends? I'm not going to be your Sugar Momma and I'm not going to be an easy piece of ASS. It seems that the younger guys seem more opt to date a woman that has a child than a guy my own age, Why is this? Is it that the younger generation is use to young girls being knocked up and having kids early?? I just can't seem to wrap my head around it. So here is me screaming! YOUNGINGS leave me the FUCK alone! It would be different if I looked their age but honestly I look my age, I look about 30 and I definitely do not act like 20s. I'm in bed by 9 every night. Exciting huh?!

Sad little girl why do you cry?

Sometimes loneliness hurts more, I never seem to understand why it consumes me so much but as months Go by I truly miss the affection of someone , the laughter shared between two people. It's been over a year if not longer since companionship has came my way. The past few weeks it has really brought me down. It hurts , it sucks, and I'm tired of feeling like I'm some lost cause that has lost her chance at happiness. All my friends are married or too damn young for me to be hanging out with. Sometimes I wonder if it's the companionship I miss or just the feeling of knowing that someone wants me, someone that desires me, someone who thinks I'm awesome just for being me. Maybe I'm just not dateable . I don't know where else to look- when not looking infer nothing yet when searching I still come up empty handed . Honestly I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of not having someone special to share me with

Kimbra - "Settle Down" [Official Music Video]

2012...

I’m not one that believes in New Years Resolutions. It seems like more of a reason for someone to fail than succeed. Think about it, people put so much pressure on themselves one time a year to succeed at something and normally by week 4 they have given up because it hasn’t gone the way the expected it to go in their head. We are all guilty of this. I believe every day a person should have a New Day Resolution. Each morning when you wake up ask yourself “what can I do better today that I didn’t do yesterday” Push yourself each day, don’t think about tomorrow, or the day after, or 4 weeks down the road. I learn that if you take things day by day it seems to run smoother. Stop trying to plan things out because they usually don’t pan out the way we think they should. Achieving a Goal takes hard work and determination every day, and once that goal is reached you then have to remember you have to continue to work each day to keep you goal your “achievement” I’ve been a pretty healthy person the past 5 years but slacked off this last year and I’ve decided that I’m turning 30, ‘Goodbye 20s’ Hello new ‘Generation’ Working at being healthy and fit is getting harder and its only going to keep getting harder so I plan to really try to take pride in my body so that when I’m 60 I can still be in the gym working out with the 30 year olds. I’m excited about turning 30 but realize if I want to keep my youth at heart I’m going to have to work at it. “No more drinking binges” I’m going to try and keep it to a minimum…. Anyone reading this that knows me, is laughing, its ok “I’m laughing to but one thing I have is belief, Belief that I can do it. I own this body I better take care of it so Fuck anyone who thinks I’m doing this for anyone else. So to New Years Resolution, fuck you! You are not going to get me down, I will succeed at getting better each day and only worry about one day at a time, one foot in front of the other ! Every year is a better year than where I was 5 years ago ☺

I swear I wasn't tripping acid....

Last night I dreamt that my bf Leslie and I rode on a stork to Vegas and a bald eagle was chasing us because it wanted my bath mat I had in my lap. I had to throw it in the sky for the eagle to leave us alone. Once the stork landed Les and I then had to get on a jet ski with all of our baggage to get to the strip in Vegas where we passed pirates on a boat that was lit up...

Hmmm wonder what this dream could mean???

Somedays

Somedays are just easier
Somedays just make sense
Other days seem meaningless
And every other day I feel lost.
Time will tell,
Time will heal,
When the hell will this time come?
Lost in translation somewhere between here and there
A heart that feels empty, feels no love, feels no joy, and feels no remorse.
Somedays I wonder if it’s possible that I’m not even human.
A sense of lonliness yet consumed by something else but not knowing what that else is.
Somedays I wonder,
Somedays I hope
Someday is one day and that’s all I’ve got on this particular day.