Sad little girl why do you cry?

Sometimes loneliness hurts more, I never seem to understand why it consumes me so much but as months Go by I truly miss the affection of someone , the laughter shared between two people. It's been over a year if not longer since companionship has came my way. The past few weeks it has really brought me down. It hurts , it sucks, and I'm tired of feeling like I'm some lost cause that has lost her chance at happiness. All my friends are married or too damn young for me to be hanging out with. Sometimes I wonder if it's the companionship I miss or just the feeling of knowing that someone wants me, someone that desires me, someone who thinks I'm awesome just for being me. Maybe I'm just not dateable . I don't know where else to look- when not looking infer nothing yet when searching I still come up empty handed . Honestly I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of not having someone special to share me with

Kimbra - "Settle Down" [Official Music Video]

2012...

I’m not one that believes in New Years Resolutions. It seems like more of a reason for someone to fail than succeed. Think about it, people put so much pressure on themselves one time a year to succeed at something and normally by week 4 they have given up because it hasn’t gone the way the expected it to go in their head. We are all guilty of this. I believe every day a person should have a New Day Resolution. Each morning when you wake up ask yourself “what can I do better today that I didn’t do yesterday” Push yourself each day, don’t think about tomorrow, or the day after, or 4 weeks down the road. I learn that if you take things day by day it seems to run smoother. Stop trying to plan things out because they usually don’t pan out the way we think they should. Achieving a Goal takes hard work and determination every day, and once that goal is reached you then have to remember you have to continue to work each day to keep you goal your “achievement” I’ve been a pretty healthy person the past 5 years but slacked off this last year and I’ve decided that I’m turning 30, ‘Goodbye 20s’ Hello new ‘Generation’ Working at being healthy and fit is getting harder and its only going to keep getting harder so I plan to really try to take pride in my body so that when I’m 60 I can still be in the gym working out with the 30 year olds. I’m excited about turning 30 but realize if I want to keep my youth at heart I’m going to have to work at it. “No more drinking binges” I’m going to try and keep it to a minimum…. Anyone reading this that knows me, is laughing, its ok “I’m laughing to but one thing I have is belief, Belief that I can do it. I own this body I better take care of it so Fuck anyone who thinks I’m doing this for anyone else. So to New Years Resolution, fuck you! You are not going to get me down, I will succeed at getting better each day and only worry about one day at a time, one foot in front of the other ! Every year is a better year than where I was 5 years ago ☺

I swear I wasn't tripping acid....

Last night I dreamt that my bf Leslie and I rode on a stork to Vegas and a bald eagle was chasing us because it wanted my bath mat I had in my lap. I had to throw it in the sky for the eagle to leave us alone. Once the stork landed Les and I then had to get on a jet ski with all of our baggage to get to the strip in Vegas where we passed pirates on a boat that was lit up...

Hmmm wonder what this dream could mean???

Somedays

Somedays are just easier
Somedays just make sense
Other days seem meaningless
And every other day I feel lost.
Time will tell,
Time will heal,
When the hell will this time come?
Lost in translation somewhere between here and there
A heart that feels empty, feels no love, feels no joy, and feels no remorse.
Somedays I wonder if it’s possible that I’m not even human.
A sense of lonliness yet consumed by something else but not knowing what that else is.
Somedays I wonder,
Somedays I hope
Someday is one day and that’s all I’ve got on this particular day.

Life as we know it...

As a perfectionist, I am particular about the type of man that I talk to much less date. On a dating site I met one guy that only stood out because of his city, Lubbock, TX Where my best friend resides and probably will for awhile. I recently took a trip there and met with Mr. Lubbock (as we will call him). Officially we met on this ridiculous free dating site that stated he was from Lubbock moving to Nashville so I struck up a conversation. We talked maybe twice and I got off the ridiculous site for so many obvious reasons if anyone actually reads my blog. I knew I was headed to TX in about a week so I signed back up on this site to see if he was still there ( cause I am always up for meeting new people) just to say hey I'll be in Lubbock from so and so til then I got off the site. He messaged me when I woke up Friday morning, and I was skeptical about meeting him that night, but after meeting him it was an instant connection. We clicked, granted I click with alot of people but this was different. It wasn't some regular JOE that I met in some bar around town or a guy I had met in general around town. We just clicked n it was awesome. One night, one chemistry, one mysterious meeting between two complete strangers I think both left us thinking this wasn't a coincidence that we met online and met up was for a reason. Overall he met all specifications but I ran from it all the minute I sobered up and realized that bottom line he lived in TX and I lived in TN. A week back and I can't stop thinking about this one TX man that made an impression, an impression that is hard to capture, and not only want to be back with my Best Friend but to see him again. Call me Crazy, but anyone that knows me, knows this is not in my norm. . . .
Please forgive me , this post is after a few glasses of wine. . .