Dazed and Confused God vs Higher Power or Other???

So after making it almost 3 weeks I didn't quite make it without alcohol for a full 4 weeks, or going out on a date, or keeping up with my devotionals. However one thing I have kept up with is exercising and eating well. However, this has never really been a problem for me. I have lost 6 lbs. and would like to loose about 5 more lbs and get some lean muscle going on. Everytime I think that I know where I am going or where I need to be going a wise friend of mine makes me open my eyes with some great quotes and emails. I am sometimes afraid that what if I don't necessarily believe in God but believe in him because that is what is taught and drilled into my head. I feel mine more than others over the past ten years as my father is a preacher and my mother the wife of a preacher and a true believer in the word. Except I'm not so sure I've ever believed in Him really and Ive never had the guts to say it out loud, only thinking it to myself. I feel that if I don't have Him to look forward to what the hell am I on this Earth for. I have many friends who say they believe in a "higher power" and I have fought this on the tooth and nail each time but I am not really sure why I have for so long. At times I felt that without the strength of God I would not be where I am in my life now, but what if it was just a higher power. Things I continue to struggle with and I am not sure when I will ever figure all this out. But Christians sure seem to think you need to realize now before its too late and He does come back and you can't go live the good life with him. I don't want to be left behind. I accepted Jesus into my life about 6 years ago but I am not sure I ever really felt this Holy Spirit that everyone talks about feeling. I am afraid I was in such a bad place in my life I longed so much to have that feeling, but I am not sure I ever got there. Which brings me to my most recent information I have been given by my friend, word from Ghandi. I have to say I don't know much about Ghandi, beliefs, or anything that revolves around him, however everything that I have been searching for Ghandi had already said and I didn't even know it. “Constant development is the law of life, and a man who always tries to maintain his dogmas in order to appear consistent drives himself into a false position.” Have I been driving myself into a false position, at times Yes would be the answer. And yet another thing my friend says to me "When we say, “I have to listen to my heart and do whatever the heart says,” we can very easily misguide ourselves because the language of the heart we are listening to is polluted by desires. But if the mind is purified and devotion and dispassion are attained, then the heart tells the truth. The mind doesn’t want any discipline; it always makes excuses to avoid it. So most people say, “I have to listen to my heart,” and they stop their efforts to purify their minds. In this way they trick themselves and can’t progress in their spiritual life." This alone has set me on a mind fuck. My last post was all about trying to follow something, mainly my heart yet this here says this is just an excuse. It is my mind that I have to get right. Well for the love of everything HOLY can someone please tell me how to do this. My mind needs discipline, it needs purification. HOW? I scream.