'love'

It's funny how 'love' changes things. To let go and knock down walls. Walls that I am sure I've had up for most of my life. Never wanting to completely let go and never really showing the person that I didn't even know existed in me. I've always heard others say that someone made them a better person and I never quite believed it. I have always felt that I have the control over who I am and that I've always been the better person. However, 'love' has shown me a new road. It is taking me places that I never knew existed, allowing myself to tear down the walls and letting someone in. I now believe that sometimes one special person can make someone a better person, because everyday I am around him I feel better. I feel more human, I feel emotions and desire connections and relationships with friends and family more than I ever have in my whole life. He is the sole reason for these new desires and emotions running through my body. He makes me feel alive and he makes me feel loved. I know that some may think it is crazy, here I am 30 and for the first time feeling like someone is truly loving me and I am allowing someone to love me for me. All my life I have avoided these things (relationships, connections,emotions, etc.), and even at times felt that I was 'in love' only to realize NOW that I have never been in love until this moment. I have never torn the walls down enough for anyone to really love me or for me to love someone back. It amazes me how it has consumed me, changed me, softened my heart, and warmed my soul. He makes me feel things I wasn't sure I would ever feel, much less want to feel this way. He has opened my eyes to a whole new world. One that I can't wait to explore further with him. For the first time in what seems like forever I am in the Christmas spirit, I have enjoyed decorating and taking the time to buy presents for everyone else. He has put me in the spirit which not only makes me feel like a better person, but makes me a better mom for H. I have been a scrooge for years, and I hate that she has those memories, however I feel this is a turning point and from here on out Christmas will be one of her favorite memories going forward. 'love' has changed me, 'his love for me' has revived me. 'his love' was worth waiting for. 'love' has made a grumpy old soul into a warm heart-filled human being...