2 am

So here it is. 2 am in the morning, I'm sitting at a computer screen when I know that in 3 hours I will be back at work staring at 2 computer screens for at least the next 9 hours. Oh the joy, let me tell you. I can’t even explain my excitement that I am trying to contain with my lack of sleep and knowing this is the beginning of my insomnia kicking my ass this week. I’d say first off this has been one hell of a week at work, however yesterday morning when I woke up at what appears to be my internal clock of 5 am , I got out of the bed with the attitude I was going to embrace it, take more time to look presentable at work. First on the agenda is do something with the Mullet that is growing on my head at the moment. For those that don’t know, I cut all of my hair off, short, short as hell about 3 months ago. While I loved it (don’t get me wrong) I only truly loved it for about 3 weeks. But after those 3 weeks I still didn’t hate it, it was a love to hate, hate to love relationship and lets be honest, I have enough of those relationships in regards to my clothes, my body, my small boobs, house, car, and the list could go on. Oh and just for the record, the mullet is a cause of growing out short hair. I'm trying to hold on as long as I can before a haircut. So back to 5 am yesterday morning. I took the time to curl my hair only for the back to be flipped out like I had a serious case of windblown hit to the back of my hair with an extreme case of poof ball on the top. (no, really, I felt as if I had stuck my head out of the car door while driving 80 on the interstate and only the back of my hair got affected) Guess you can’t have the party in the back without something going on up top?? After getting something adjusted with the hair, I wasn’t ecstatic about it, but didn’t hate it enough to actually wash the damn shit. So I’ve still got plenty of time so I get out (what I consider to be a great ensemble, which really isn’t saying much) and go to put the last touch on, BOOTS so that I can wake up my daughter to surprise her that I’m all ready and I’ll walk the dog as she gets ready. Usually these rolls are reversed in this household. So I’ll be damned if I don’t go to zip my boot up and the damn zipper breaks again. And by again, I mean I just picked up my boots the following Friday from The Shoe Fixer that fixed my zipper already. @@ that’s me rolling my eyes uncontrollably when this zipper fucks up again. Great now I can’t wear this outfit, I need my boots dammit, this is when the spiral of pissiness begins with me. I’ll be damned if I don’t have a mullet, boots fucking suck, and my damn dog pisses and shits everywhere. Now I have to change clothes, now with something I’m highly unsatisfied with, walk the dog, only to find out when I bring the fucker in he had already pissed on the kitchen floor. FML, like it wasn’t bad enough that I had to clean up Piss and shit yesterday on the carpet because my dog feels that it is inhumane to take a piss while it is raining even out on the porch. The day before I had drug him outside on the leash and stood in the monsoon only for him to lay on the concrete and look terrified by the umbrella I was holding to try and help this fucker from getting wet so he would JUST PEE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD outside and not have a mess in. epic fail, thank you Brody for not helping your beloved owner out. OK OK so back to my 5 am, after the boot catastrophe, and cleaning up piss at 6 am from the dog. I’m finally able to get my daughter to my moms. At this point at least I will get to work early and get caught up, guess what? Wrong again, fucking tracking at 615 am on interstate 24 absolutely baffles me, who the fuck else goes to work at 6am or that many people that cause idiots to have wrecks and back up the interstate causing me to sit there and miss any fucking overtime I could have gotten. Then I forgot my tea at home, spilled my coffee at least twice on me and did a piss poor job of hosting a conference call with one of my big publishers. Big Pat on the back to me for 5 am yesterday. You suck. Oh yes, and after taking my boots back to the Shoe Fixer, the zipper of course works for him, then I put the boot on to show him what is happening and the conclusion is made that my calves are so damn thick they are causing the zipper to break. So now I will be spending another $50 to get the zippers replaced because I don’t want to have 2 different zippers on my boots and lets face it I was lucky when I found these boots last year to fit my fucking legs. So here’s to you Mullet, Fat Calves, Pissing Dogs and wardrobe malfunctions! Cheers to you! I really felt confident when I closed my eyes last night that my exhaustion from the day before would help me sleep. Not only was I mentally exhausted from work, but exhausted from dealing with the “sperm donor” This isn’t some new conclusion, but he is a complete fucking idiot who has no emotions or feelings in regards to his daughter at times. It feels that “even when he is trying” as he would say, he can somehow manage to fuck the smallest of things up leaving her sad and angry with him and leaving me with the one to console her. Let’s clear this up, I love being there for her, but I hate having to console her so often about her father. It is tiresome and it doesn’t seem that I can ever quite say the right thing. I mean how can I? I can’t tell her how mad and angry I am at him for doing this to her for the UMPTEENTH time?? Lord knows if he doesn’t get better with the new baby, My baby has a long road ahead of her. I just keep telling myself I can do this, I will be there for her and I will keep my mouth shut, and just wait until she is in bed to write my heart away and be angry with him on paper or blog ☺ So closing my eyes rather early at about 9 pm I drift off, but that is just it, a complete drift off, no real sleep. I’m half awake thinking about shit that doesn’t matter in the middle of the night and half dreaming about shit I would be thinking about if I was awake. How fucked up is that? Ugh I hate my brain at times like these, but hopefully this produces something that others fine entertaining in my vomit of stories from 2 am. So I look at the clock and I just know its about that time, has to be at least 5 am, so I can go ahead and get up and start early again today, and maybe make it to work as early as I had planned the day before. Fuck no, it’s 2 am, I try for about 45 minutes to go back to sleep, 30 minutes consisted of counting, it went something like this: 1 Mississippi 2 Mississippi, thoughts of Victoria Secret clothes, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi, how will I fix the mullet this morning, 5 Mississippi, 6 Mississippi, what the fuck am I going to wear, 7 Mississippi, I make it to 30 Mississippi with thoughts between every 2 Mississippis and give the fuck up. This isn’t working, my switch to the brain has already been cut on and there is no help now that Mississippi can give me in going back to sleep. So my next strategy, lets look at meaningless crap on the internet on my phone, this sometimes makes me sleepy, wrong again. Ok Ok, grab your tablet and read, I normally fall asleep reading, but you know what my tablet is downstairs and if I have to get out of bed to get it what’s the point, I’m officially out of bed at this point. (yes a little crazy to think I am this lazy to go get my tablet from downstairs for something that might help me go back to sleep but by GOD MAN IT'S 2 AM AND I'M FUCKING TIRED) Hey, it is what it is. I never said I made sense or ever expect to. So 2:50 am I say Fuck it, I’m up, go write, haven’t done a rant like this in awhile, might as well now before I loose my humor and the fun that most of you will get out of this. At least someone can take appreciation out of my exhaustion. So I have 2 and a half hours ahead of me before I can wake my daughter and begin my day to work. Oh yay, baggy black eyes on a Wednesday at work. I can’t wait to start this day. HA maybe tonight I’ll get some sleep and won’t look like a walking zombie but I won’t hold my breath. So for anyone out there that may read this later today, thanks for reading, hope you got a few laughs, I’m off to watch infomercials on tv until it's some reasonable hour for me to get ready for work and day/morning dream of all the clothes and shoes I want and can’t have because I’m broke. Awesome! Hope you all slept better then me, until the next time. Bye Bye