Mind Fucked....

Here is the problem with me. One I’m fully aware of and have tried to contain or keep to a minimal. I find I’m extremely insecure in relationships or when dating someone. It seems that no matter how good something is or appears to be going, I can continue to mind fuck myself into finding the smallest thing and reading so much into it I sometimes ruin great things or cause myself to walk away so that I won’t get hurt even when there is probably not any hidden agendas or anything about to happen as I have tricked my mind into thinking. I have this idea in my head how I want things to be, certain things I want and how I want to be treated or maybe showered with attention. Is this realistic? No, but I can’t help but shake that someone is going to come along and be able to give me all the things I’ve always wanted. Simple gestures are what I am referring to, I’m not referring to being showered with gifts – I’m not a gold digger . I just would like for someone to let me know that they are thinking of me, simple gestures, a quick phone call, a little note, etc. Obviously I am a woman that needs to be reassured when someone I’m dating is still into me. I need confirmation and reassurance. I’ve thought about this several times over the years and have tried to determine the root cause of what makes me this way. I guess it basically all boils down to my ex-husband. Although I never really was in love with him he never showed me much attention or sweet gestures. He did buy me anything I wanted but there was a reason for this. This was his way to keep me in his eyes. He thought if he bought me the things I wanted it would keep me happy when all along all I needed was someone to show me attention with time and love. Obviously there was a reason for this, he was cheating and was not in love with me either. But it’s the only thing I can think of that has caused me to be like this. I don’t remember being this way before my daughter or he and I married. I was always very confident when dating someone and never stressed about why I didn’t hear from them for a few hours or be asked to do something with them at every single moment. Although I have overcome all of my other insecurities that were caused by this relationship I can’t beat this one. Maybe I am not supposed to; however I need to try and control it, keep it to myself without driving me absolutely crazy and doing something I will regret later. . . I’m at a point in my life where I know what I want as far as long term and a relationship and a life, home, and family. However, I am afraid that I am and will ultimately be the one standing in the way of all the things I want. That I will be the one that jeopardizes my future because I can’t let go of this insecurity. How does one get over such insecurity? How can I stop thinking and over thinking so much that I don’t ruin my chances of happiness and love in the future? Day by Day is all I can take it, but even after talking this out (typing) I still find myself worried and convinced that a current situation I am in is going to go bad and end very soon. That this person realizes now is not the time for a relationship for them and that maybe being single is what is needed for them at this time. . . Bottom line, I’m mind fucked.