Today I have done a lot of thinking and re-evaluating
things/people. I did it; I cut all of my fucking hair off because I can.
Because I don’t have to worry about if someone will like it other than me, I
don’t have to make anyone content but me.
The first time I said I was going to chop all my hair off
and asked for opinions on it from my friends on FB, all responses were NEGATIVE
from the majority of my guy friends. . . I was bothered by it last time and
couldn’t believe some said that longer hair is better. Girls look prettier with
longer hair, not even celebrities look that great with short hair, even the
super duper hot ones. . . So I cut it, I took a chance, not for anyone else but
for me. It was a bit liberating, I didn’t love it but I didn’t hate it and most
of the guys that told me not to do it, liked it, some even loved it. Some
stopped talking to me in general.
I’ll be 30 in October, at first I was excited and couldn’t
wait. Dirty Thirty, age like fine wine, yadayda and all that bullshit. I was
convinced my life was only getting better with age. And not to say that things
about me haven’t gotten better, but I don’t know that you would say I’m living
the ‘IDEAL ‘life either. But who am I or anyone say what someone’s “IDEAL” Life
should be. . . I think what I wanted 3-5 years ago has completely changed
within the last 6-12 months. I want things, relationships, work promotions that
I’ve never desired before. Yes I sit here and wonder where did all that time
go? H will be 10 in September?? I own a house, a car, and have a beautiful
daughter and a great job that I think one day could be promising if I continue
to work and show that I am not just average. . . But is this my “IDEAL” life?, I
think it is somewhat incomplete or I find myself feeling this way a lot more often as each
month goes by and nears crawls to October.
So yet again today, not even really one month from when I
just cut my off, I decided to go shorter. I posted pics on FB and again,
negative comments from the majority of my guy friends. Some that commented
directly and others that privately texted messaged me. This time I was going
SHORT Short, no joke SHORT hair. . . Cutting my hair was even more liberating
this time around. Not at first, I think I was shocked for the first couple of
hours, and in time it may grow on me. But the sheer feeling of liberation was a
feeling that I find hard find to explain even now. So back to re-evaluating, I have
to ask myself, is my selection in guy friends really that bad. It seems to me
that guys prefer longer hair for this reason and that reason and I understand
that. Everyone likes something, but my hair does not define me. My hair does
not make me prettier when its longer or blonder, or brunette, or natural.
Chopping off all my hair will not make me the most hideous person in the world.
If it does, than I have a real fucking problem. Guess this means my personality
sucks, my individualism is not seen, and everything that I think and know that
make me that cute, sexy, funny, loud, obnoxious person is my personality. Yes I
do have a nice ass, and yes I do have pretty eyes and a perfect smile but I think
those things are only a reflection of who I am on the inside. . . I stand out
because I am me, I am not shy anymore, I am not quiet or submissive anymore. I
am finally me for once, short hair, big ass, an extra 12 lbs, possibly some
medical condition and an insomniac. This is me, even though I don’t always
understand myself my personality is what defines me and my beauty and I don’t
think I ever really saw that til just today. So back again, I don’t expect all
or most of my guy friends to like my short hair, I expect most to hate it. But
do me a favor don’t tell ME YOU LIKE ME BETTER WITH LONGER HAIR. Longer hair
doesn’t give me sarcasm, longer hair doesn’t make me loud, longer hair does not
have anything to do with liking me better. If it does than obviously I need to
re-evaluate some friendships established over the years.
I have been asked many times how much it would cost me to
shave my head; I use to say no money in the world was enough. But after today,
the comments from men, the liberation felt, I’d almost do it just to piss
everyone off, to say FUCK you! I’m pretty with long, short, blonde, brunette,
natural, wavy, straight hair. Do I maybe appeal more to you with a certain
style of hair, I get that. But do me a favor and don’t tell me you like me
better with Long hair, I can guarantee you I will not be needing your ‘cliché’
modest friendship any longer.
To short hair and to saying Fuck you to who think I’m better
with my hair or anything else that is simply materialistic. I promise I’m still
me and always will be, hair does not define me. I DEFINE ME.
