Give me a Beer

Give me a beer, hand me a cigarette, better yet go ahead and make that a tab too.
Let my head spin, my body tremble, my mind stop racing and my heart stop hurting.
Go the hell on, I don’t care what you think, I do what I do and I try my damnest but hey you go fuck yourself with your shaded eyes and belief that everything will work its way out.
Did you ever stop to think that those fucking roses don’t smell so fresh, or that the grass isn’t greener because it’s better but because it’s SHIT stained green.
Give me vodka straight and a hit off that joint.
Let me be free and listen to the rhythm this funky green gives me.
Let me mellow out and forget what’s going on around me, just let me be me.
Don’t judge me because I speak in tongues or see in colors, no one is perfect, I’m just not so damn quiet about it.
Give me something other than this thing we call life. Some say God, some say anti-depressants but for now I’d rather just have a beer and a cigarette and o yea don’t forget that tab.

it's me again

Well here I am again trying this blogging thing, but this time making it public. It seems that everytime I have a life changing experience I remember how to write again. Inspirations comes and goes with me, it's never when I expect it and hits me hard when I have no idea what to do with it. It's funny how someone likes me decides on if she is really happy in life. I feel that I have hurdled so many obstacles and have a lot to show for my hard work, however at times I don't know if I'm happy, sad, or just numb to this whole process we call life. I've always been skeptical to think that a woman needs a man to survive or that I need one. Relationships are not my best forte and I think this is because I'm not your normal species. Yes I know if you are a woman you are thinking you feel exactly the same way and if you are a man reading this you are thinking, sure you are, all woman think this. I'm normally only happy for a short period of time anytime I am with a man, normally this is in the beginning and things change, people change, grow together, grow apart, whatever the fuck you want to call it, nothing ever stays those same. Someone always changes, someone always stops trying hard, someone just stop all together, etc. I could go on for days. I'm really just rambling at this point because I've lost all train of thought. My mind races 90MPH at all times, and normally at about 150MPH when I try to go to sleep at night. I guess what I'm trying to get at it this skeptical woman that once felt that she did not need a man to make her happy is beginning to think with old age that maybe I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe I want to cook dinner for someone at night and maybe just maybe I would like to have another child before my 8 year old is 16. I have came to a point in my life where NUMBNESS is all I feel. I don't feel sad, I don't feel angry, I don't feel anything at all and I do not like this. I've always loved every emotion that I've ever felt. I've always been a very passionate person and thrived off of the way things made me feel and now I don't have any of this and I don't feel like me. I'm lost, numb, and just seem to ramble.