Why is parenting so hard?!I have been trying more than ever to focus on Haleigh, to be more rational to stop and think before acting and it seems when we are at home its better but the moment we get together with a friend there is always a disagreement' somebody said this ,somebody said that-she hurt my feelings, she is rude, and it just goes on and on until I'm completely exhausted mentally. It almost seems the more attention I pay and the more proactive I am I still cant win- I find myself questioning if my child is the root of the problem. Is her defense mechanism going to ruin friendships or relationships. I don't want her to wake up and be thirty and realize she has no childhood friends due to being so defensive her entire adolescence that will effect her later in life. I don't want her to be "like me" in this aspect. I've grown so much as a person but lost so much that could have been salvaged.
I started writing this Friday night after (what seemed to be an exhausting night with Haleigh and her Bff). I was upset that we spent an hour discussing friendships and learning how to love one another for the "good" and "bad," explaining that not one person is exactly the same. Needless to say after we left my heart was still heavy, I left feeling I had done something wrong, that I was lacking in my parenting with Haleigh. Then after a few days and the weekend to pass I finally realized, I'm just too hard on myself and at times with Haleigh. I want her to better than I was, I don't want her to face the problems I did, so sometimes maybe I just coach her a little too much and sometimes forget the comforting is the really the best solution. Come Monday, these girls are 9 and 10, they are merely being girls and this is how it is and I'm sure we have a long road ahead of us. Of course they are back to normal and Bffs again. I think it's hard to remember what I was like at 10, I'm just stepping back and breathing and trying to be a little less hard on myself. I am a good mother and I have great friends around me to remind me of this. However, Parenting is never going to be easy..
